Sunday, January 4, 2009

I'm quite possibly having.......

......a midlife crisis.

I don't know what else you would call it when you don't like your hair, body, clothes, house or vehicle and you wish that maybe you could have done something more with your life.

It just feels like in the last few days I've started hating my hairstyle (if it could be called that even), I've wanted to lose some weight and all of my clothes (95% of which are hand-me-downs from my mom and sister) just seem boring. (No offense Mom and S)

Then of course I'm fighting a losing battle trying to get my house clean so I've been dreaming of suddenly coming into enough money to buy a bigger house so everything has a home, or at least enough space to shove stuff.

And while my dear sweet hubby finally got the vehicle he deserves, I'm struggling with the one I have as it just seems to shrink as the kids get bigger. With all three of them in the backseat side-by-side they fight almost every single time we are in there, even if it's just the short trip to school. That really doesn't make a great start to my day.

Then I've been thinking about how I could have probably picked a better major in college which might have allowed me more options as far as jobs go. Right now I'm limited to just retail which doesn't have the best hours for a family and doesn't pay enough to allow me to make money on top of paying for any day care I might need.

I dunno I just feel kind of blue. Maybe it's the "after Christmas let down" I'm feeling and not actually a midlife crisis. But whatever it is I hope it goes away soon. I don't like feeling like this. I spent the whole month of November being grateful for all that I have, so to feel ungrateful like this is kind of disturbing...


Bee said...

Ok. I like your hair a lot. Your clothes may not be what you want right now, but they cover a beautiful heart. A bigger car would require more gas and that wouldn't be good.

I don't know what you could have done with your life that would have been any more profound that what you've done with your children. I know it doesn't translate into a fabulous career byt the world's standards, but it is by mine.

I'm not trying to lessen your feelings. Gosh knows I have my share of the very same ones. I just want you to know what a success I think you are. And a darned cute one, too.

dede said...

no one can say it better than Bee - so, I will just say "ditto"! (although, getting some color in my hair always makes me feel better - or a pedicure - or a new pair of sweats which are sure to fit!!!) Love ya!