Friday, August 27, 2010

Someday my motivation will come......

(the title must be sung to the tune of "Someday my prince will come" from Snow White)

Here I am sitting in a quiet empty house with all kinds of freedom to clean the house out and get rid of "stuff" that I wanted to get rid of during the summer but I had three pairs of hawk eyes on me preventing me from doing it. But am I cleaning out all the "stuff"?

Nope, I'm on the computer again.

I get on here with the intent of searching for a job and end up wasting at least a few hours goofing around on Facebook, my most recent and most frustrating addiction.

Yep I get on here, turn on my tunes on my blog and then check for job listings on the school district website. Once I've seen that nope there are no new listings and I've applied for all the ones on there that I could qualify for already, I immediately head to FB and tell myself I'll just check things out and then go get some stuff done. But do I? Stay on for only a few minutes, I mean.......

Again nope.

I blame all on the fact that my motivation has disappeared along with chivalry and common courtesy. My motivation is about as extinct as the infamous T Rex.

Actually I am beginning to wonder if it ever did exist in the first place! I mean it's been MIA for so long now it could just be more myth than fact, kind of like the unicorn and Bigfoot!

So if you see my motivation please try to trap it and return it to me?!?! For now I'm going to fight the uphill battle that is removing myself from this way too comfortable chair in front of my computer so that I can actually get something constructive done today. ;)

Friday, August 20, 2010

Why is it so much harder with the baby???

Leaving them in their kindergarten classroom, I mean.

Today was Little Man's third day of all day kindergarten and maybe it was because he was tired after a long week or maybe it was because he knew I was going to go help his old pre-school teacher for a little bit this morning, but whatever the reason he cried when I left him.

He didn't do that the first day.

He didn't do that the second day.

Nope he did it the third day when mommy had plans to do something right after she dropped him off.

*sigh*

Of course this was all made worse because last night as I was putting him to bed he said he missed me during the day while he was at school. Naturally my heart sank and I was ready to pull him out of all day kindergarten and put him in the half day class instead. At least we'd have our afternoons together.

But that won't work.

I'm looking for a job and it would be so much easier if he was in school all day like his sisters. And I know and love the teacher he has, so I know he's in good hands.

But it's that mommy guilt that gets me.

And it gets me so much more with him than it did with his sisters. Who knows maybe I had it with them but I was just so busy with another child at home that I didn't notice it.

Or maybe it's just that I know he's my baby and I'm trying so desperately to hang on to his still being my baby that I can't bear to let him grow up.

Who knows, but I do know that tonight we are going to get plenty of snuggle time together.....he may be growing up but he's still young enough to like snuggling with mommy....thank goodness for that!!!



*****************************UPDATE**********************************
Little Man cried again Monday morning so I told him I would come back and have lunch with him if he'd let me leave. He agreed so I went back for lunch. I talked to his teacher and we agreed that I should not walk him in anymore and see how that goes. So this morning I just dropped the kids off and left. He didn't cry and ran from the car smiling, so I'm thinking that is the solution. However I have to wonder how he reacted when his sisters (don't know which one or if it was both) walked him into class..........

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Update

Well I got a new anti-depressant from my doctor and for the first few days I was really feeling a difference and liking it.

However....

Then I started to feel a difference I didn't like!

Itching, and lots of it!

I first thought it might be a side effect that would go away but after looking online I found out that if you have itching you should stop taking it immediately.

So I did.

But then the rash appeared.

It's not too bad, not like when I took amoxicillin and discovered I was allergic to it. But still it was a rash. I even took a half a Benedryl this morning in hopes it would stop the itching and not make me as drowsy as a full one would. But then that wore off and I never got a chance to take the other half.

So now here I sit itching not wanting to take anything until bed time, because Heaven help my family if I wake up too early because I'm itching.....I won't be a very happy momma. And with Little Man starting kindergarten tomorrow, I don't need anything else to be unhappy about....*sniff sniff*

P.S. I'm back to taking the prior stuff that didn't seem to work as well, because well I have like two months worth left and I hate to waste it....so I'll take that and when that gets low I'll call my doctor for something else, or I'll go back to the original one I took that robbed me of my libido.....I mean heck who needs a libido when you have a red-blooded American male as a husband... ;)

Friday, August 6, 2010

I know I'm slow but.....

.....it's just now dawned on me that after about 4 months of taking a new anti-depressant that maybe just maybe my lack of concern over the house being a total disaster and the kids getting away with murder most of the summer and I still take them to do fun things.......maybe the new anti-depressant isn't working.....

It must not be working as I could care less about doing the things that need to be done....."What's that dear? Oh you're out of work shirts again? Okay I guess I finally tackle that mountain of laundry, if I have to."

Think Monday morning I'll have to call my doctor and try to find another one to take that has a generic because while I do want to take something to make myself a better person I don't want to spend a fortune on it. ;)

Sunday, August 1, 2010

The only kind of shopping I detest....

.....is underwear shopping!!!!!!!!!!!

*UGH*

I swear it's the only time I ever hate having to go shopping. It never seems to fit and you can't exactly try on the underpants in the fitting room like you can a bra. But that's not to say I like buying bras any more than I like buying underpants!!!

It amazes me that two bras made by the same company, in the same style and and the same size can fit so differently just because they are different colors. I bought two bras, one tan and one black and the tan one fits so much better than the black one and the color is the only difference......go figure!

And underpants.....oh Heavens how I hate buying underpants. Back when I was young I starting wearing (TMI ALERT) what some laughingly call butt floss, yup thongs. I loved them because they gave me no pantie lines, which I think I might actually hate more than underwear shopping. But as I got older and the backside got wider I just couldn't do it any longer. But there is something so depressing about going from such little fabric in a pair of thongs to all that fabric on a pair of low-rise briefs.

Really? Is my butt really that big???????

*SIGH*

Yep, I'm now wearing low-rise briefs, which makes me feel old, as I always associated brief underpants with old ladies. But at least I went with the low-rise, so that makes them somewhat younger, right????

I can't even do the bikini underpants anymore, they ride up too easily and then I have a whole heck of a lot more fabric between my buns then I ever did when I wore thongs.

So now you know the one type of shopping I absolutely in no uncertain terms cannot stand. It's never easy, it's never fun and it's sure as heck never a boost to my self image......*sigh*